Epilepsy, TDY, and developing a relationship with my Father in Heaven.

 I would like to just say ... I feel like I can breath again.

Life has been rough.

When you are traveling through a dark tunnel, once you have come into the light you suddenly realize that it has been extremely dark. 

That is sorta how right now is feeling.

Sometimes all you can do is live one day to the next. Hopefully doing good works, striving to help the people around you, remembering to make dinner, comforting crying children, trying to reach out to the neighbors moving in down the street, making sure the three year old is still in sight, remembering potty time for the toddler, saying thank you, being authentic, being kind, drinking water, changing diapers, reading scriptures, etc. 

I feel as though all of uncertainty, confusion, questions, and misunderstandings are just being thrown my way--which is NOT bad! One can only get stronger by lifting, or better at something by practicing. Lifting a weight is not easy, and practicing something is stressful ... even confusing for our brain at times, but if we are to learn, we HAVE to have time swimming... there HAS to be a moment of proving. 

A duck does not learn how to swim by sitting on a log all day.

John has been gone on TDY (temporary duty) for what seems like a looong time. In actuality, it has only been 3 weeks at a time, twice. Coming home in between for 7 days. Living on a military base has been a HUGE blessing because of the community within.

About 5 years ago I developed a seizure disorder, and handling these episodes sometimes lately are quite discouraging. Sometimes I feel inadequate, I am very forgetful, and I feel bad every time a seizure happens. 

However, I can still see the hand of the Lord!

Heaven has NOT been far away for me. There has been moments of peace, comfort, moments where a heavenly hug has been felt. These have been sacred indeed.

God IS good. I have only had seizures lately while sleeping, I have 3 beautiful children to fill my time, make me laugh, and care for while John is away, and I have a loving Heavenly Father ALWAYS just a prayer away. 

I have been striving to remember to pray more intentionally. 

Saying a prayer to God is pretty simple.

 However, Satan does NOT want us, as children of God, to communicate with our Eternal Father. He wants us to forget. He wants us to push it off, and fill these potentially sacred moments with worry, confusion, and anything else. If something can distract me from prayer, I usually get more distracted and more forgetful, as well as frustrated as the day goes on. 

The world has SO many LOUD voices right now... also SUCH deep and TURBULENT waters pushing and pulling every which way... I have come to realize however that God IS constant. Constantly kind, constantly aware of situations for His children, and constantly blessing His children. God is unchanging in His ways. God is peaceful, He is patient, and He is willing to teach! God gave His Only Begotten Son, to show the way so that we might Come and Follow our Savior...all the way back to our Heavenly and Eternal Home!

 

A Dream That Will Need All the Love You Can Give

This morning was one of those mornings where your little one year old, who has discovered she LOVES any kind of drawing, painting, or utensil just has to try scribbling on paper ALL morning long! She would draw and then hand me the pen to draw, so I decided to sketch her... in the end it actually looked something like her and as a mother this, you-then-me drawing session was a beautiful memory in the midst of a painful tooth-growing night and morning. 

Lillie the Little Artist

This song has been on my mind for the past week, and I must share it. You may recognize it from The Sound of Music! 

...

Climb every mountain

search high and low

follow every by-way

every path you know

A dream that will need

all the love you can give

every day of your life

for as long as you live
...

Right now these stanzas basically sums up motherhood, being a wife, a person, being and becoming anything! But being a mom is a 24/7 job and luckily I have another person to share it with, but having little children is not something you can just walk away from; and I do not think it is something I would want to walk away from because in all honesty...I chose it. I made a decision to love, nurture, inspire, and this dream of mine will need ALL the love and determination that I can give... every single day of my life for as long as I live! 

You know, a letter from President Russell M. Nelson was sent out and in this email there is a line that pertains perfectly with my thoughts, and feelings. "God loves all of His children and has a vision for each of us. Just as He listened to Joseph's prayer in 1820, He listens to you and yearns to speak with you through the Spirit." https://www.comeuntochrist.org/
Just like a parent wants to teach, inspire, and nurture our Father in Heaven also has those same feelings...because He loves us!

I Have Prayed For Thee ...

@kevincardenart

Just have to say something about this beautiful piece of art. I want to be that kind of mom. I want to have the faith to be that kind of woman, as well as wife and child of God ... firmly rooted in the Rock, the redeemer of the world, my Savior, Jesus Christ. I want to choose that light that can dispell all darkness, I want to ALWAYS choose the side of Jesus Christ, the side of prayer...because there IS power in communicated with our divine Father in Heaven. 

July was a month where I decided to start pondering and memorizing a scripture that embodies the theme that I am trying to focus on right now; Faith. The verse that I chose was, Luke 22:32 "But I have Prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not: and when thou art converted, strengthen thy bretheren." 

This scripture embodies what it means to be a mother, for me. The time that we have as parents, sisters, brothers, sons, daughters, etc is SO crucial. We all NEED the divine help and guidance in each of our lives and with each of our endeavors. This verse has also taught me that I cannot just live life on a whim, expecting to just be magically on the Lord's side in the very end. NO! The part of the scripture where it says "I have prayed for thee..." I try and pray for my Lillie... and you know what, God is also a parent and God probably prays harder and longer for me, for you...for each and every one of His individual children.Just like each of our children are going to go through challenging times, and many different tribulations -- we, God's spirit children are here in mortality ... we are not physical being , but we are Spiritual beings having a physical experience! God wants us to continue learning of truth, and righteousness ...growing in conversion continually. He also wants us to teach and strengthen those around us; just like every other parent on this earth...wanting their children to get along and learn from eachother and teach one another.

I was touched by this thought, combined with the above photo from Al Fox via Instagram :

"Often when we think of families we think of the here & the hereafter. 

It’s not often we stop and think that we were all united together already before here. 

And this has nothing to do with giving birth or not, but overall. 

Whether in reference to your parents and siblings, in reference to those that you adopt or foster, 

members of the church or not, alive or not yet or no longer, etc. 

It doesn’t necessarily matter how our families are brought together here on earth,

but that we existed & interacted & loved beforehand. 

My point is that we are not alone. 

Not only is God absolutely always, at all times mindful of us, 

but that He has blessed us with those on both sides of the veil as well,

watching over & cheering for us. Unseen protection & guidance from those anxious to be born, and from those already passed.

My point is we need to take care of each other! We are together for a reason. 

How we spend our time with those in our family & extended family, the ways we act & react with them, & the opportunities we take to teach & extend love is crucial. 

My point is this is not the start of me and my soon to be child.

This life is not the start of you.

Let’s refocus, often, on who we truly are & what we need to be doing. 

Refocus on the reality of being a living soul that can never die. 

We have ‘forever’ built into our genes. 

We need to take care of ourselves because we are meant for so much more than just this. 

What we do matters. Who we are and what we’re a part of has real meaning. 

Deep roots that extend far beyond this sphere. 

Roots that should drive our priorities & effect what we do daily with our life." -Al Carraway

CHOOSE to be rooted in Christ, the LIGHT, and the LIFE of the world! Build upon the ROCK which is Christ, our Redeemer, our Savior, our Lord! If we are built and rooted in Christ we can NEVER be led astray. 

Happy 9 months old!!!

 

Happy 2nd Anniversary!

For more inspiring art:

https://www.instagram.com/kevincardenart/

For more thoughts from Al Carraway visit her instagram: 

https://www.instagram.com/alcarraway/?hl=en

what if the Battle is THE miracle

Oh my! 

It has almost been a year since writing on here . . . life has continued on and there has been so much that has happened during the school season, as well as through the summer.
One goal that I do want to accomplish on this blog is focusing on the tender mercies, little blessings, and the hand of the Lord in my life throug the weeks.
( rambling may take place . . . a little bit)
Life is such a journey, and I would not change any of the stuggles, battles, and even blessings for anything in the world; God knows what He is doing. He knows the individual experiences and lessons that each of us, His children NEED!
I guess I should explain a little about what has been going on for the past nine-ish months. In March we found out that John and I were going to have a baby! Super crazy, because I was NOT expecting that we would find this out for a while yet!
Here are a few pictures of our little Jelly-Bean's journey and growth!

  Along with going through the 1st trimester, on top of that I still had to finish finals. Not my most favorite thing ever...so, you see that is why this blog has not heard of the news until now, just a month before her due date!
However, I do want to share a little bit of a story with you about battles, trials, struggles, hard things . . . whatever you want to call them!
There was once a man who was fighting a battle. Along with fighting it diligently and nobly he asked the Father if he would take this from him, if he would be so kind and give him the strength to end this battle. No matter how hard he tried he could not defeat the fight that he was fighting. He was weary, beaten, discouraged, and at last he turned to God and pleaded, asking "Why can I not get rid of this battle? It has been long, hard, it is ugly, and I do not want it! Why can I not have just one little miracle!?" God spoke to this man's heart and said,"Would you have me take away the very thing that has kept you humble, teachable, and even the very thing that may save you?" The young man thought about the answer he had been given. He turned to God again, but instead of asking to be rid of the struggle and to instead be given the miracle of releasing him from his battle, the young man pleaded with God to allow him to see his battle as God saw it; the miracle.
This story was just so beautiful that I had to share it, because not one of us here on this earth are exempt from trials, struggles, battles, or hard things!
Many times, my friends the miracle IS the battle that you are fighting; that is what's keeping you humble & it may even save you!
What would change if you chose to see your hard things as a miracle?
Keep moving forward,
Keep SMILING,
Share YOUR light,
&
Be You Bravely!