A Feeling: Not Being in Stagnant Water -- Fully Engage in Your Story

 Where to begin... I really do not feel that I have much to say. I feel as if my thoughts, and feelings are just all over the place...

 I also feel the need to just create something ... To say something! 

To get out of a rut ... out of my little muddy puddle.

I just want to write down some thoughts that have sparked an excitement within my soul! It's been a minute since I have acted upon an exciting idea.

It has been so long since writing here on the blog. 

It's been long since creating art and sketching too. 

It has been a long time since dancing. (That makes me sad).

Yet, I suppose that there are seasons of life that come and go...

It feels as if I have been spending all of my energy, days, and time trying to care for, feed, nurture, and love our dear children while John has been deployed and out at sea. It has been just about 6 months since his leaving, and it has felt sooo long, yet also has felt like just a blink of an eye. A blink where our three children have grown 3 sizes in shoes, 2 sizes up in clothes, can sign the whole alphabet in A S L, and Gil has teethed ALL his teeth.  

Gilbert with almost all his teeth

Adventures of flying with three children 4 and under

Big enough to try to longboard 

I have had some thoughts about creating.

 Perhaps these thoughts have come about because I have been ignoring the subtle nudges to take time to create. (Other than cookies, and meatloaf, etc.)

Creating is such an essential characteristic to us as human beings, as well as us as divine spirit children of God. I have noticed that after creating something...anything, there is a certain kind of PEACE that overcomes me. It can happen after writing an inspirational quote down, after sketching, washing the walls down, or taking time to paint. This moment of accomplishing something hard and worthwhile is nice, it is a feeling of not being in stagnant water anymore. It is a moment where the hero in the story decides to DO something. By finding that moment of courage and action...the fog next to the stagnant water lifts and peace comes through SEEING the light just beyond the trees. Perhaps we then know that there is hope and a place for us to move to just beyond our "safe" little stagnant pond. 

Because, honestly, I do not want to continue my whole life in stagnant water! Moving, growing, changing, and becoming is how our Heavenly Father wants us to progress in this life!

These thoughts came as I was listening to a speech called, "Spiritual Creation" by Andra J. Duke. 

(I definitely recommend it!)

If anyone reads this besides me...thanks for letting me just have a moment to create. It has been a good use of time, because as I write my mind processes the ideas and I get to learn more than when I first sat down! 

Epilepsy, TDY, and developing a relationship with my Father in Heaven.

 I would like to just say ... I feel like I can breath again.

Life has been rough.

When you are traveling through a dark tunnel, once you have come into the light you suddenly realize that it has been extremely dark. 

That is sorta how right now is feeling.

Sometimes all you can do is live one day to the next. Hopefully doing good works, striving to help the people around you, remembering to make dinner, comforting crying children, trying to reach out to the neighbors moving in down the street, making sure the three year old is still in sight, remembering potty time for the toddler, saying thank you, being authentic, being kind, drinking water, changing diapers, reading scriptures, etc. 

I feel as though all of uncertainty, confusion, questions, and misunderstandings are just being thrown my way--which is NOT bad! One can only get stronger by lifting, or better at something by practicing. Lifting a weight is not easy, and practicing something is stressful ... even confusing for our brain at times, but if we are to learn, we HAVE to have time swimming... there HAS to be a moment of proving. 

A duck does not learn how to swim by sitting on a log all day.

John has been gone on TDY (temporary duty) for what seems like a looong time. In actuality, it has only been 3 weeks at a time, twice. Coming home in between for 7 days. Living on a military base has been a HUGE blessing because of the community within.

About 5 years ago I developed a seizure disorder, and handling these episodes sometimes lately are quite discouraging. Sometimes I feel inadequate, I am very forgetful, and I feel bad every time a seizure happens. 

However, I can still see the hand of the Lord!

Heaven has NOT been far away for me. There has been moments of peace, comfort, moments where a heavenly hug has been felt. These have been sacred indeed.

God IS good. I have only had seizures lately while sleeping, I have 3 beautiful children to fill my time, make me laugh, and care for while John is away, and I have a loving Heavenly Father ALWAYS just a prayer away. 

I have been striving to remember to pray more intentionally. 

Saying a prayer to God is pretty simple.

 However, Satan does NOT want us, as children of God, to communicate with our Eternal Father. He wants us to forget. He wants us to push it off, and fill these potentially sacred moments with worry, confusion, and anything else. If something can distract me from prayer, I usually get more distracted and more forgetful, as well as frustrated as the day goes on. 

The world has SO many LOUD voices right now... also SUCH deep and TURBULENT waters pushing and pulling every which way... I have come to realize however that God IS constant. Constantly kind, constantly aware of situations for His children, and constantly blessing His children. God is unchanging in His ways. God is peaceful, He is patient, and He is willing to teach! God gave His Only Begotten Son, to show the way so that we might Come and Follow our Savior...all the way back to our Heavenly and Eternal Home!

 

Standing in the presence of SUPERB people!

Have you ever been amongst superb people?!

these are a very few of my people!

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My deepest sense of rejoicing and gratitude today comes from my morning study. As I read, taking time to breath, see the light grow in the sky, and hear the birds I thought of those who have served me. Not through what we all think is service ... but those who had EVER been a light, taught wisdom through actions, or have been a reminder to me that Jesus Christ is THE light and life of the world. Those who have taught me that HE is the reason why we can REJOICE, why we can try again and again... 

Have you ever been amongst superb people?!

Are there people who you feel uplifted by, and people you love being around?

Have you had people who have ever taught you? 

Superb people are NOT perfect people, but are real people allowing lessons to be learned, hard moments to be had, and letting the sun to always come up again.

First I thought of my parents. My eternal companion. My siblings. My family. Dear friends & People I meet but  have a familiar feeling to them...as if I have known them forever.

My mom sacrificing all she knows in teaching skills, love for life, adventure, and a love for creating. 

My dad sacrificing all his energy and time to providing material things, but also experiences. Teaching values and morals through every day life lessons.

-- Mosiah 2:19-21 --

 "...I whom ye call your king, who has spent his days in your service, and yet has been in the service of God, do merit any thanks from you, O how you ought to thank your heavenly King! ... render ALL the thanks and praise which your whole soul has POWER to possess, to that God who has created you, and has KEPT and PRESERVED you, and has caused that ye should rejoice ... serve him who has created YOU from the beginning, and is PRESERVING you from day to day, by LENDING you breath, that ye may LIVE and MOVE and DO according to your own will ... even SUPPORTING you from one moment to another."

I then started thinking of ALL the people I have ever met who have changed me throughout my life. 

School friends, best friends, deep conversations, standing in holy places ... finding SO many kindred spirits.

I realize that God has ALLOWED me to be here. To be HERE at this time. He has given me this time NOW to be alive! He LENDS me breath every day, each moment ... and He now has filled my life with STELLAR people to gain wisdom from for a little while yet.

These people DO fill my life, because they need constant care, love, washing, lotioning, feeding, kind words, adventures, etc.   

However, these people serve me. They fill my life with light and are examples to me; they teach me of learning, loving, and forgiving. 

These SUPERB humans are my three tiny children, having THE biggest hearts, and the MOST helpful souls! Slobbery kisses and suuuuper tight hugs!

My Husband. He sees me grow, sees the mistakes I make, and watches me turn 25 as he remembers what it was like for him at that age... he understands. He too is living this path we call mortality. 

I have loved so many dear friends, mentors I have learned from and looked up to, people I gain knowledge from, and others I can aspire to to be. I also have a loving Savior who I will always remember and work on emulating continually...  

I owe ALL my gratitude to my Heavenly Father. 

People we randomly meet have the ability to bless our lives, in MANY different ways serve us. People we live with day-in and day-out ALSO have that ability--the ability to serve, uplift, and strengthen. 

THAT, above is something I need to remember always!

In both situations, by happen-stance or through a family setting God is good. As we strive to DO GOOD & SERVE HIM with our WHOLE souls He will continue to place each person where they need to be.

"...When ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are ONLY in the service of your GOD."

-Mosiah 2:17