It has been a while. A lot has happened. I have tried taking big leaps of faith because I feel that faith is something that I can always grow in.
I feel as if so many emotions have come and gone -- trying to help me learn and grow through this time of all new experiences.
My thoughts are inspired by my morning's reading in the scriptures; 2 Nephi 4:19-34
" [...] nevertheless, I KNOW in whom I have trusted.
My God has been my support; he hath led me t h r o u g h mine afflictions in the wilderness [...] he hath filled me with his love [...] he hath heard my cry by day, and he hath given me KNOWLEDGE by visions in the night-time [...] by day I have waxed BOLD in mighty prayer before him [...] and angels came down and ministered unto me [...] if I have SEEN so great things, if the Lord [...] hath visited me in so much mercy, WHY should my heart weep and my soul linger in the valley of sorrow, and my flesh waste away, and my strength slacken, because of mine afflictions?
[...] why [...] WHY [...] [does] the evil one have place in my heart to DESTROY my p e a c e and afflict my soul? [...] AWAKE, my soul! [...] REJOICE! [...] give place no more for the enemy of my soul. [...] DO NOT slacken my strength because of mine afflictions [...] REJOICE, o my heart, and cry unto the Lord [...] I WILL praise thee f o r e v e r ! [...] My soul will r e j o i c e in thee, MY God [...] the rock of my salvation [...] I will TRUST in t h e e forever [...] "
THIS has made sense to my heart and soul in a way that has not yet been felt before.
I have experienced nudges to do and act in ways that do not make sense to anyone -- at times it does not make sense to myself. I have longed to move nearer to my dear John who is in Virginia.
We have had moments of excitement in finding places to live!
Followed by moments of immense disappointment in finding out that nothing would align the way we hope and pray for.
Moving before our baby is born just is not working out.
Having the ability to give birth close to my John is something that has been important to me, alas sometimes with our deepest anxieties of heart and desires...God knows best. I always think that I can have all the faith, act with ALL my might to help allow the mountains in my life to move, in order meet my needs/wants/desires.
however, God, my Father in Heaven knows best.
His ways are higher than my ways.
His timing IS perfect; not only for me, but for the people around who are being influenced by the decisions in our lives.
About 7 years ago I had a life changing experience that helped teach me about how the Lord blesses me individually, and also how he works in his timing and wisdom.
I had planned on going on a full time mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints for YEARS!!! This was a dream, a goal that I had tried to prepare for, and simply did everything in my power to get me ready to do. This certain opportunity to serve the Lord, however did not end up happening.
I like to joke around and say that God had to break my leg in order for me to change my plans, and accept His path instead!
(The link below is the original post from right after the car accident; for me it is powerful to read and remind myself of thoughts, lessons, and growth from this journey through mortality!)
http://creating-my-story.blogspot.com/2015/12/a-strange-christmas-to-remember.html
As time has progressed and I have not lived with my dearest John for 3 months... I have sorrowed a lot! I have cried.
Felt hopeless.
Been upset.
Missed the father of my children.
The love of my life.
I know that through the temple covenants and ordinances in which we have made in the Holy temple that we have the opportunity to be together through this life, and throughout all eternity!!!
You would think that already knowing Christ has won the fight would allow me to skip feeling hopeless, upset, and sorrowful.
Yet, in the Bible where Lazerus dies and his sister comes to Jesus weeping for her brother, Christ does not try to keep her from feeling loss, pain, sorrow, and deep sadness. He is there with her through it all. He weeps WITH her. He weeps; knowing that moments later a miracle would occur and joy would soon overtake all that had been lost!
I KNOW in whom I have trusted, I know who I have chosen.
I KNOW that all will be well.
I feel that even though I am single parenting our 2 year old and 1 year old -- getting ready to welcome a third into our family... I cannot be upset.
This is the path I have chosen.
My God will lead me THROUGH my afflictions.
REJOICE my heart and give no more room for the enemy of my soul to afflict and take away my peace!
I have chosen to Praise God if I am in Virginia ...
I have also chosen to Praise God if I am in Utah!
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